


Secrets and Confidences

by somnolentblue



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-19
Updated: 2010-08-19
Packaged: 2017-10-11 04:11:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/108242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somnolentblue/pseuds/somnolentblue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five things Castiel keeps from Dean and five things Castiel shares.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Secrets and Confidences

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [](http://spn-bitesized.dreamwidth.org/profile)[**spn_bitesized**](http://spn-bitesized.dreamwidth.org/) in response to [](http://everysecondtuesday.dreamwidth.org/profile)[**everysecondtuesday**](http://everysecondtuesday.dreamwidth.org/)'s prompt _Five things Castiel never told Dean_. Many thanks to [](http://anaraine.dreamwidth.org/profile)[**anaraine**](http://anaraine.dreamwidth.org/) for betaing.

1\. Castiel wishes he could regain the certainty of following orders and the intimacy of communion with his brethren. Sometimes, he thinks that he would do something different if he could change the past; however, an angel's actions, once performed, cannot be undone.

_Castiel admires Dean and Sam's ability to make choices – so many choices are involved in having free will – and tells them this._

2\. Castiel misses Jimmy. They don't talk about Jimmy; the subject of vessels and hosts is too fraught for discussion. However, when Castiel poured into Jimmy, Jimmy shaped Castiel in turn, and Castiel misses the embrace of his vessel. They disagreed, often, but they were intertwined in a manner that Castiel's physical embraces with Dean can only approximate.

_Castiel visits Amelia once, even though Dean tells him it's a bad idea, and a cruel one; Dean was right._

3\. Castiel prefers cake to pie. He finds himself eating a lot of pie, ordering a slice so that Dean can steal the bulk of it off of his plate. Sam's started ordering cake and then proclaiming himself too full to finish it; Dean teases his brother about being a delicate girl concerned about her weight, but Castiel appreciates Sam sliding frosted goodness across the table to him.

_Castiel enjoys the taste of cherries when licked off of Dean's skin, and he acquires styrofoam boxes with pie inside on a regular basis for this reason._

4\. Castiel wonders about Sam. He has faith in Sam – and in Dean's instincts concerning his actions – but he doesn't understand Sam. However, Castiel's certain that everything he might say about Sam, speculating on the whys of inexplicable actions or wondering about the reasoning underlying surprising opinions, would come out wrong and put a barrier between himself and Dean. Sometimes, Castiel finds, having your lover, your human friends, and the object of your speculation be two brothers is awkward, and it leaves him without someone to, as Dean says, gossip with while eating ice cream and braiding each other's hair.

_Castiel enjoys having someone to tell jokes to in Enochian, and he enjoys how Dean rolls his eyes when he and Sam are laughing so hard they can't breathe._

5\. Castiel could know when Dean will die. Angels don't exist in a fixed point in time, and he could follow Dean's threads until they ended and, perhaps, prevent Dean's death at that moment. However, Dean's weariness about being bounced haphazardly through planes of existence at the whims of supernatural beings convinces Castiel that it's better not to find out, lest he be tempted to change what-will-be.

_Afterwards, Dean will be in heaven, with Sam, and Castiel will visit them there; he and Dean will know finally know true communion, and it will be glorious._


End file.
